By Lane Litz — Founder & Managing Partner, Founder VC

Rejection doesn’t define you. How you handle it does.

As a wildly ambitious overachiever, rejection is a consistent part of my professional life. 

Startups demand resilience in the face of volatility. A career spent in startups demands one skill above all: the strategic management of negative emotions.

Three startups later, I’ve transformed rejection from an obstacle into an accelerant using one key tool — a feedback filter that’s sharper than a steel trap.

Run to the Pain

In startups — and in life — what you don’t want to know is what will kill you the fastest. Perfectionism is nothing more than a fragile ego wrapped in denial, and denial doesn’t solve problems; it creates them.

A fragile ego is defined as “a weak, unstable, or insecure sense of self.” I’ve learned that avoiding the sting of rejection in the short term only amplifies its consequences in the long term.

So, I choose the opposite approach. I run straight into the pain. I confront it head-on, knowing that avoidance delays progress.

All leaders feel fear. There’s no escaping it. But how you handle fear — fear of rejection, judgment, or public failure — defines your trajectory.

The Feedback Filter

Feedback, especially the kind that leans negative, can easily overshadow praise. As a startup founder, my job is to listen to customers and deeply care about what I’m building. That means I’m constantly in the firing line for criticism.

Handling that feedback without losing momentum requires a plan — a filter.

This feedback filter isn’t just a metaphor; it’s a multi-layered system that processes criticism objectively, allows me to respond thoughtfully, and helps me extract value without internalizing the negativity.

The goal? Excavate the gold while scraping off the garbage.

“Absorb what is useful, discard what is not, add what is uniquely your own.”– Bruce Lee

A Multi-Layered Steel Trap

How do you protect your progress and accelerate growth while preserving your most important relationships? For me, it comes down to two foundational layers:

Human Archetypes — Filtering criticism based on the type of person giving it.

Core Beliefs — Evaluating feedback against my personal values and principles.

While all feedback has the potential for value, it must first be reconciled with the lens through which it’s given. Here’s how I categorize the people delivering feedback:

Archetype 1: Armchair Experts

Bullshit Meter: 90% Bullshit

Core Belief: Do not take criticism from someone who lacks the experience, expertise, or context to give meaningful feedback.

Startups are messy, and unless you’ve been in the trenches, you can’t fully understand the challenges. Worse, armchair experts often lack the self-awareness to recognize their own ignorance — and that makes them dangerous.

These individuals are easy to spot: they confidently give bad advice without ever having done the work themselves. If I had a dollar for every accounting firm partner who “helped” a founder ruin their fundraise, I’d own my own island.

Lesson: Don’t let people who’ve never dared greatly shake your confidence. As Brené Brown puts it:

“If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I am not interested in or open to your feedback.”

Archetype 2: Non-Believers (Candle Blower-Outers)

Bullshit Meter: 80% Bullshit

Core Belief: Their limitations are not your limitations.

Non-believers see your vision but don’t believe you’re capable of achieving it. Their doubt is less about you and more about their own insecurities.

These people often mask their discouragement as constructive criticism. They may even resent your ambition because it challenges their status quo.

Lesson: Smile politely, ignore their doubts, and keep building. Your success will prove them wrong.

Archetype 3: Tested Industry Experts

Bullshit Meter: 10% Bullshit

Core Belief: Listen carefully but critically.

These rare individuals have walked the path before you. They’ve built, scaled, and exited companies or held leadership roles in your industry. Their feedback, though not infallible, is usually grounded in real-world experience.

One Caveat: Beware of “mentor whiplash.” Too much feedback from too many smart people can derail you, especially if they don’t have enough context about your business to provide tailored advice.

Lesson: Seek out these voices but evaluate their insights through the lens of your unique situation.

The most helpful people are the people one or two steps ahead of you.

Archetype 4: True Friends with Context

Bullshit Meter: No Bullshit

Core Belief: The truth is a gift, even when it hurts.

True friends — the people who know you deeply and care about your success — will always tell you the hard truths. Their feedback, even when uncomfortable, is rooted in loyalty and love.

These are the people who hold you accountable, pushing you to align your actions with your values.

Lesson: Surround yourself with these people. When they call you out, listen. These are the voices that will keep you grounded and growing.

Hard Lessons Are the Fastest Way to Growth

Rejection is part of the process. It doesn’t define you — how you handle it does. Build your feedback filter. Surround yourself with the right people. Run toward the pain, not away from it.

When you embrace hard conversations and curate the right voices in your life, rejection stops being a stumbling block. It becomes a stepping stone.

This article was originally published by Startup Stash on Medium.

Back to:

Venture Capability: The Blog